i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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