Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
