mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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