just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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