Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
