uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just google imaged poop.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
