My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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