Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
