Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
