What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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