I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize