and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
