Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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