remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
