Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
