Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
