So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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