i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
