An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
