just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
