my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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