Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
