New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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