..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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