but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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