Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
