you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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