and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
