Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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