my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
