haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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