I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
