Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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