You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
