The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
