Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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