well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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