i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
