he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
