I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
