i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
