I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
