i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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