i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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