i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm bleeding and have questions
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
