I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
