At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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