I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
