What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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