someone threw a dead crab at me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
