also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
