Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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