Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
