It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We don't watch enough power rangers
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
