I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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