Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
