I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
