made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
