so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
