I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
