is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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