As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
