sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
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Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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