I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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