Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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