do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize